Some additional 625Lab submissions with examiner’s feedback:

Write a discursive essay about some of the items you think symbolise the values held by people of your age in Ireland in 2020.

If the young people of Ireland today filled a time capsule to be opened in 100 years, what would it contain? What items could we use to represent us as a generation, and to truly convey our attitudes and values? Of course, values vary from person to person, but, united in the face of adversity, us teens have a clear set of core values we all share namely freedom, our future and ourselves.

First into the capsule would go an empty unlocked cage to represent our unwillingness to be tied down. We are the free birds who cannot be contained. Our generation values freedom. Freedom of speech, political freedom, freedom to be individuals. We are the youth who have begun to break down the constraints placed on us by society. We have smashed gender roles. In 2019, there were over 700 young women serving their time (rephrase, negative connotations) in various apprenticeships across Ireland. This is a dramatic increase from 1990 where there were only 27. We have brushed gender stereotypes aside and stated loud and clear for everyone to hear that we do not conform to sample. The uptake by boys in school subjects that were typically seen as “girly” like home economics and art has skyrocketed. In my school, the male to female ratio in the current sixth-year art class is almost 50/50 which would have been unheard of 50 years ago.

We value strongly the freedom to be ourselves. This was shown through our incredible activeness in the most recent controversial referendums. Although many of us were not even eligible to vote at the time, we still came out in our droves to marches and to social media to educate and campaign for the right to same-sex marriage and the right to choice for women regarding abortions. This not only drove the campaign forward but ensured that factual information was being reposted and made available for those who could vote to allow them to make informed decisions.

The cage is followed by a calendar for the year 2051, the year we will turn fifty, to symbolise our future. The youth of Ireland have shown time and time again that we value dearly our future and the future of our children and grandchildren. In September, over 10,000 secondary school students gathered in Dublin to make a stand against climate change. We demanded of the government to do something to help stop the rapid decline of our ecosystems. They reluctantly listened to our desperate pleas to help salvage our earth and our future. Greta Thunberg, the idol of many, embodies our generations undying determination to ensure we have a future to look forward to. This desire to carve a solid future for ourselves carried through into the 2020 general election for many of us the first time we were eligible to vote. The voice of the youth emerged loud and clear. Not only was turnout among 18-24 higher than average, but a definite message emerged. It was clear from the massive increase in support towards left-wing parties such as Sinn Féin and The Green Party (just under 50% of 18-24 year olds voted for either Sinn Féin or the Green Party as their first preference) that there was an appetite for change. This call for change was driven by our desire to protect our education, our job prospects, our economy and most importantly our future which we value so dearly. (You have to explain why left-wing parties do this – you cannot assume that the examiner will take your assertion as a given, or better yet, talk about the specific policies that you support – this way you can make a substantiated argument rather than generalise).

Finally into the time capsule goes a mirror because we as a generation value what we see in that mirror, we value ourselves. This is a characteristic which many of the older generation seem to reflect on negatively. We are seen to be self-absorbed and selfie-crazed and don’t aline with typical ideas of Irish humility. We have pride in ourselves and have a strong sense of self-worth. We unapologetically post photos of ourselves online all the time, we take pride in our achievements on Linkedin and, most importantly, we don’t take any nonsense from anyone (it’s no surprise us 18 year olds in Ireland have the highest swipe left rate in Europe on tinder, we know our worth). However, not only do we value what we see in that mirror, but we value what that mirror allows us to do. We are the generation of self-reflection. While we love and value ourselves, at the same time, we are not afraid to reflect inwards and critique ourselves in order to better ourselves.

Our generation’s values represented in three items;: an empty cage, a calendar and a mirror. Symbols of freedom, of the future and of ourselves. What will these people of the future think of us? They will probably think that we’re so old-fashioned and uncool. However, I take great pride in my people. It’s tough to be eighteen these days (this is a new point and it shouldn’t be introduced in the conclusion), but I take solace in the fact that we have each other and understand each other. We’re comrades, and with these strong values, we have a bright future ahead of us.

Lots of potentially controversial assertions which is refreshing, but many are left without backing arguments which isn’t ideal in a discursive essay. Essay should be about 25% longer. Some punctuation errors

30-P-23

30-C-20

30-L-20

10-M-8- 71/100

Write a short story in which the central character’s status as an outsider as a direct influence on the plot.

There isn’t a cloud in the sky as I make my way over the rocky, rough terrain beneath me. My feet hurt, but I do not care. The cuts and bruises on my feet are a small price to pay for an opportunity many of my friends would give their life for; a chance to go to school. I am one of the lucky ones.
My school friends are not like my village friends. They wear nice clothes, they drive ostentatious cars and they have white skin. They are the sons of the United Nations ‘representatives’, the bankers and the government officials. They all have fathers in their lives; they are some of the lucky ones. I love going to school, but nothing beats being greeted by my friends from the village. From the time we were young, we always worked together to survive, bound together by paternal absenteeism as the common factor. None of us are fortunate enough to have fathers present in our lives, however something separates me apart from them. I can remember my father’s face. I am one of the lucky ones.
Today is different. My maths teacher keeps making mistakes and my German teacher is making mistakes she has never made before. My English and Music teachers never showed up to class. I consult with Jose, my friend: “What do you think is going on?” He looks puzzled, and replies: “How bizarre…”
As I step outside of my class for my break, I notice a cloud of dust fill the horizon ahead. Occasionally, a motorbike would pass the school and leave behind a small, insignificant trail of dust. This cloud is the size of Hiroshima in comparison. The cloud enlarges as it’s ambiguous(L) creator approaches my school. I can feel my heart beating in my chest, I feel there is something wrong. I look to my right and notice Jose gazing in the same direction with a look of concern on his face. The creator of the mushroom-shaped cloud of dust is a series of SUVs. I now count 6(L) blacked out SUVs storming into the schoolyard, coming to a halt in the playground. I notice something which sends shockwaves through my whole body. My knees begin to tremble and my heart rate accelerates beyond a measurable rate. The registration plates are red – they belong to the government. Rumour has it they only visit the village once before.(L) My uncle warned me of the plates but refused to go into detail about what happened in the last visit; he told me to run. But there is nowhere to run. If I leave my school now, I will never be allowed return – after all, I am an outsider(Too blunt). The ‘benevolent’ authorities wouldn’t think twice about dismissing me.
Over a dozen men dressed in plain clothes step out of the SUVs. They don’t wear suits and they don’t wear khaki uniforms, so they aren’t politicians and they’re aren’t the military. One of the men fires a series of shots into the air, filling my body with anxiety-induced adrenaline. Teachers, students and groundskeepers are lined up in front of the SUVs, like lambs ready for the slaughter(How?). But there are no more gunshots. A short man steps out of an SUV and sends the guards into a position of attention. The yard goes silent as his aura takes over the room. Even the guards look uneasy as the man struts in my direction. Every second feels like an hour as I know I am the only black boy here – I am an outsider(Too blunt). I look into the mysterious man’s wild blue eyes and they tell me all I need to know – this man has a history of violence. Without warning(L) I am bundled into an SUV and leave my friends and teachers behind me. They are some of the luckiest ones.
The road is smooth, which can only mean one thing; we are heading north. The men flanking me on either side are not exactly bursting with friendliness, so I do not dare ask where we are headed. My faith lies in the hands of some very dark people. The thought that I may never see my friends again brings a tear to my eye.
Darkness has fallen now and I exit the SUV. The ground is rough and dusty once again. The moon is the only source of light as the car beams are switched off. How unusual. I walk for some time until we reach a sudden hole in the ground. “Climb down and crawl for 1 hour”. I approach the ladder sceptically, but the guard is having none of it and kicks me head first into the hole. Ahead of me is an endless tunnel, barely large enough for me to crawl through. I climb up a battered ladder to escape and notice a sign that reads: “BORDER – 1KM”. Fear and confusion collide as I try to make sense of what is going on. I am kicked backed down into the hole once again. “Crawl” orders the guard with contempt, “our colleague will meet you at the other side”. Only god can save me now.
The 1,000m crawl drains the life out of me. As I ascend from the tunnel, I am blinded by a powerful beam from above. The sound of a vicious bark and sirens fill my ears. Suddenly, the sound of tires against dirt takes over. A man with dark skin jumps out of a sedan: “Get in!”. The beam shifts it’s(L) focus to the car, illuminating it’s (L)sport design. I scramble into the back seat of the car and the car accelerates before I even have time to sit up. The man turns to face me and my body goes into shock. I open my mouth, but no words come out. My father is staring me in the face. He hands me what appears to be a passport of some kind. “Welcome to the United States of America” he announces to me, with a warm smile on his face. I am one of the lucky ones.

A good plot, Character needs to be drawn in a more subtle way, I am an outsider is too blunt, show that he is an outsider, don’t tell. There should be more description. Create the setting which will highlight that he is an outsider- how is he treated by others, interactions, contrast of skin colour. A lot happens, pare it back- is the walk to school necessary, how is the difference highlighted.

Show don’t tell is key in a short story.

(L) shows awkward expression or incorrect punctuation

30-P-21

30-C-18

30-L-20

10-M-10- 69/100

“Paul Durcan gives us insights into human experience, using language that is both accessible and appealing.”

Durcan provides the reader with accounts of deeply personal and intimate human experiences. He adopts an autobiographical approach and tells his stories in an emotionally honest and unreserved manner. Durcan’s accessible language greatly appeals to his readers, he uses the syntax of conversational speech which leads to immediate impact with the reader.(L) Durcan makes effective use of metaphorical language to make his poetry more accessible to the reader. He recounts stories dealing with themes such as romantic love, family and marriage in his poems: ‘Nessa’, ‘The Girl with the Keys to Pearse’s Cottage’, ‘ ‘Windfall’, 8 Parnell Hill, Cork’, Sport’ and ‘The Difficulty that is Marriage’.

Durcan’s poem ‘Nessa’ highlights the human experience of romantic love. The poem portrays the excitement that so often marks the beginning of a new relationship and illustrates the strength and power of women. “She took me by the index finger/ And dropped me in her well”, Durcan’s complex use of language may(Be decisive) indicate that the index finger is sexually suggestive and her “well” may signify initiation into sex. Durcan makes repetitive use of the image of a whirlpool as a metaphor to capture the dizzying, headlong feeling of excitement that often accompanies a new relationship. “And that was a whirlpool, that was a whirlpool, And I very nearly drowned.” A “whirlpool” may also allude to the danger, euphoria and loss of control felt by the poet who so helplessly fell in love with Nessa. This image is accessible and appealing to the readers of his poetry.(Why is it accessible?) The questions add a persuasive element to the intensity of Durcan’s conversational style. “Will you stay with me on the rocks?/ Will you come for me into the Irish Sea/ And for me let your red hair down?” The image of the poet inviting Nessa to follow him and unveil her innermost feelings appears so unreserved and honest and certainly exposes the human experience of delving deeper into a serious relationship.

A poem that contrasts with the feelings shown in ‘Nessa’,(L) ‘The Difficulty that is Marriage’ acts as a tense and difficult recount of an emotional human experience. The opening line “We disagree to disagree, we divide, we differ” thrusts the reader into a scene: a married couple in discord. The alliteration helps to add to the image of difficulty as so stated in the title of this poem. While there is tension between the couple, their relationship is ultimately a positive one. The poet honestly admits that he cannot believe his luck that this woman is in his life. “Yet each night as I lie in bed beside you/ And you are faraway curled up in sleep/ I array the moonlit ceiling with a mosaic of question marks” This image is distant and even tense yet “curled up” is an affectionate way to describe someone’s sleep. Durcan writes in a tragicomic way when he writes “But I do not put you on a pedestal or thrown(M)” demonstrating his deep insight into the human experience, acknowledging his wife realistically and not idealising her. Yet he claims to be incapable of seeing any of her faults “you must have your faults but I do not see them.” which is the very definition of putting someone on a pedestal. Perhaps he is indicating that despite her flaws, he wants to stay with her because of the depth of his feelings.(Link to the question throughout)

A poem with a similar theme, ‘The Girl with the Keys to Pearse’s Cottage’, capture the intensity and passion of the accessible human experience of teenage love. The theme of emigration and it being a necessity in order to survive is hinted at in this poem, which was not the dream of Padraig Pearse. The language throughout the poem is very clear, almost explanatory at times. “When I was sixteen I met a dark girl; her dark hair was darker because her smile was so bright; she was the girl with the keys to Pearse’s Cottage” The “Keys to Pearse’s Cottage” could be a symbol for the Irish language or something else related to Ireland. The poet is clearly smitten by the striking young Cait, remembering her not only for her physical beauty but also her posture and the outfits she wore. “Hands by her side and brown legs akimbo;/ in sun-red skirt and moon black blazer” There is an image of longing; the poet sitting in the rushy field while the object of his affection sits on the window sill staring out distractedly at the world. “She was America-bound at summers end. She had no choice but to leave her home··· You have gone with your keys from your own native place” The saddened tone referring to her leaving for America is emphasised by the repetition of her name. “O Cait Killainn, O Cait Killainn. The speaker is also reflecting bleakly on this emigration: they had no future, she had no choice but to leave her own native place. She is gone with the keys, whatever the keys symbolise, it sounds like the poet feels as though he is losing something. The experience is described very realistically and resonates with the Irish reader.

Another human experience that Durcan gives us great insights into is that of family. In the poem ‘Sport’, Durcan addresses his father, with whom he had a difficult relationship. This poem differs from Durcan’s usual style as he adopts a direct approach that focuses on a single memory. “there were not many fields in which you had high hopes for me but sport was one of them”. This opening line gives us rich insights into the poet’s relationship with his father. The line contains a pun: “fields” could refer to areas of practice but it could also mean a physical field for team sports. The poet is tragically indulging in the awareness of his father’s disapproval through this play on words. Durcan is touchingly eager to please his father and not disappoint him. “ I was fearful I would let down/ not only my team but you.” It is possible that there is a hidden allegory in the image of “the alcoholic solicitor who··· castrated his best friend” perhaps the poet is suggesting that his father hurt and emasculated him, despite his affection, without fully understanding what he was doing, meaning well and not having any recollection of it.

In the poem ‘ ‘Windfall’, 8 Parnell Hill, Cork’, Durcan is interested in helping us see how the profound and sublime can be found in the relatable human experience of being at home. “I felt elected, steeped, sovereign to be able to say – I am going home.” The speaker expresses how privileged he feels to have a home to go to. Durcan also passes critical commentary on the country saying that Ireland is an unequal society, a place where “all the children of the country are not cherished equally and ··· the best go homeless” The poem gives us a strong sense of the poet’s personality and character. The lines are at times painfully honest and they feature many very personal thoughts, memories, and feelings which are all the more appealing to the reader.

In conclusion, Durcan’s poetry provides the reader with gripping accounts of the poet’s life experiences which are made more accessible and appealing due to their simple, yet complex style (have you dealt with this aspect in the answer?)and their emotionally honest nature. His use of imagery and metaphorical language (has this been proven?)helps to engage the reader and make his poetry more relatable with the assistance of his conversational language.

Answer deals with content and style. Questions must be central throughout, why is it accessible and appealing?

Avoid labelling elements. Ensure conclusion is relevant to content of answer.

As you have used 5 poems, their treatment is not as detailed as it could be .

L is of a good standard. More variety.

15-P-11

15-C-9

15-L-10

5-M-5

35/50

Write a personal essay in which you reflect on some of the places that have helped to shape and define you, and the significance of these places in your life.

2019 – Q6

Credit: Ava Lehane

To begin, life is no fairy-tale. I would relate the first eighteen years of my life to playing a video game, ‘New Super Mario Bros,’(NSMB) in particular. Some worlds were enchanting and magical, others you couldn’t wait to escape, whilst some presented immense challenges. In the past eighteen years, I’ve lived in four houses, travelled to seven countries and along the way, many places have left their mark on me.

First up, I was born on (in) the ‘Emerald Isle’. I’ve lived here all my life, it’s the only home I’ve ever known. I will always be Irish, and nobody can take that away from me. Personally, my nationality gives me a sense of identity and belonging. When filling in forms, I’ll always tick that Irish box. Knowing the history of my ancestors, their strength and resilience to withstand the British onslaught, makes me proud. I am proud to be Irish! Our struggles throughout the years have inspired me to respect those who work hard, dream big and chase those dreams. The likes of Pádraig Pearse and the other nineteen-sixteen leaders have engrained (ingrained) in me a love for the Irish language, Gaeilge, and my country. If I go abroad, I’ll nearly always be welcome as “Everyone loves the Irish.” At international soccer matches, Irish fans are renowned for their great spirit despite their failures on the pitch. I’m thrilled to be part of a country that always gives their all despite the limited talent in the squad. There are many positives about Ireland that have shaped and defined my life, however there are also negatives. Drinking is very popular in the Irish culture and we are famous for Guinness etc. across the world. My decision to avoid drink will always be looked down on in certain Irish communities and potentially judged as weird abroad, but even so, this Ireland is the most significant place in my life as it is, and I will always consider it, my home. (There’s possibly too much going on in this section – Place and Irishness is a good start – but its not a discursive essay so the negatives and effort to balance your argument aren’t necessary here in a personal essay. It could also be suggested that this ‘irishness’ perhaps run as a theme throughout the piece. It’d be a lovely opening paragraph – as I’m unsure yet as to the relevance of the Super Mario section. Both are good, but both don’t sit well together)

More specifically, Crosshaven, my beautiful, coastal village…. within Ireland, this will always be my home. (sentence needs restructuring – it’s clumsy) Its stunning (,) coastal scenery, sandy beaches and small village square make it a delightful place to live. It’s also home to the oldest soccer club in Cork. Cork harbour is the third biggest natural harbour in the world. Living by the sea has ignited an everlasting love and appreciation for nature. (Description or anecdote could be included here) The peaceful and relaxed nature of my village make it the dream world to live or ‘play’ in. The community spirit shown in my village, especially around Christmas time, is a lovely benefit of living in a small place. Last December, crowds flocked to the village for the annual turning on of the Christmas lights. The lights create a charming, welcoming atmosphere. I’m happy to be a part of this community spirit and I will always treasure the collectiveness. (Why? There needs to be reflection here.)

Next, my four houses have all been pivotal in shaping me as a person. They are significant in my life because they’ve been my home down through the years. (Reason needs to be more developed) Living in four different houses taught me how to recognise my real home. Not every house is as homely as your home. (This idea deserves development, particularly as your few sentences on it are poignant) My first house is defined by the limited memory of four-year-old me and photos. My earliest house fostered my love for art. I may have decorated my bedroom walls with some lovely marker scribbles. It’s also the only place I remember my parents being truly happy together.

My second house has golden, yellow walls and used to have maroon eyebrows above the windows – my mum destroyed them! Situated in an estate, it is surrounded by the homes of my childhood friends. In our massive back garden, us kids explored the world without going beyond the walls of my back yard. I have endless happy memories of my life here, however, every house has two sides, the outside and the inside. Inner turmoil existed in my darling home. This home will also forevermore represent the vulnerability and fragility of life. There’s no point denying it, I will always be a child of a broken home. I remember tears, tears and more tears, pretending my allergies had acted up to hide the red circles surrounding my eyes as I left to visit my father. I remember looking out my window, up at the big, blue sky, thinking thoughts that no child should ever think. As a result, I will always be fearful of relationships as I never want to see a child’s innocence stolen, their world shattered in two, like mine was. I am petrified of conflict, the slightest bit of tension ignites my childhood fear. This has heavily contributed to my “goody two shoes” status – I will do anything to please people and avoid conflict. As I grew older, I saw the aftermath of destruction, the strength it takes to rebuild a life and remain strong for those who you love. I witnessed my mum fight, not only for her life, but also that of my brother and I. Times were dark and full of uncertainty, but the sun came out and to this day, still shines on our golden, yellow walls. Reflecting on my life in my home, it has no doubt defined some key aspects of my character, however, it also gives me courage to take on challenges and continue to defy the odds. I learned at a young age that life is no fairy-tale and I guess that’s why as a young girl, I never wanted to be a princess! (A very good paragraph, strong sense of the personal and reflection upon it)

My third house was my definition of ‘Bowser’s Castle.’ It was the culmination of my fear, isolated from society, surrounded by a wood of terrifying trees, a lonely big house, no joy and no kids. Every night, I’d wake up screeching my head off. Then I’d lay awake shivering with fear. My watch was my only consolation. I watched time tick by until it was an acceptable hour to disturb my brother and get him to keep me company. During the day, I refused to be alone in a room, bathrooms being the only exception. I wished my weekends away and treasured school days. To this day, I struggle to describe how horrid it was. As a young kid, I’d come home crying with relief to be back home. I couldn’t explain my terror even then. I used to curse my mum for sending me away like a suitcase, it was the only way I could express my anguish. All good things come to an end, and to my relief, all bad things too. I remember the joy of conquering ‘Bowser’s Castle’ with my friends and a similar joy was felt when I realised, I would never return to my haunted hell. All these years later, I admire the strength I displayed during those difficult years. I think I’m a better person as a result of those struggles, they helped me realise the damage words could do. My words and actions probably tortured my mum who was helpless in this situation. I developed a more considerate nature and I am slow to verbally assault people which is pretty common of teenagers. (Meaning unclear – maybe contradicting?)

(Although obviously very personal, this section needs more work to develop the idea of a metaphorical rather than a concrete place. There is a lack of coherence in the reference to Bowsers Castle as you haven’t referenced places from Super Mario World in the previous sections – perhaps it’d be an idea to do so? How the ‘developed a more considerate nature / damage words can do’ aspects of the place existed / were dealt with requires a lot more clarity)

My fourth house is nothing special, but it taught me about the harmony of life. When you read ‘Cinderella’ as a kid, you kind of expect all stepmothers to be wicked witches. (Why a new motif? Is there anything from Super Mario? Or else use the fairytale theme/motif throughout) However, my dad’s second wife is definitely not an evil witch! Through their relationship, I got gifted my little, darling Spencer. He’s a dog (don’t worry!) – I’m not sure how I’d take to a screaming baby while trying to study for the dreaded Leaving Cert! The five of us living together, two teenagers, an anxiety struck dog (who’s also a rejected Christmas present), a workaholic and my dad’s wife, is interesting to say the least. I’ve learned to accept my dysfunctional family and appreciate it for what it is because truthfully, I’m one of the lucky ones – two birthdays, two Christmases etc. They are the definition of my family and nothing will change that! (remember the focus of the personal essay: places that have helped shape and define you – this is just a description of family here in this section, it’ll need a much more specific focus: Remember the P in PCLM.)

There are definitely some similarities between my life and video games, but the one big difference is, you know when a video game is about to end but life that’s a bit less certain. I’m a firm believer in “Once you stop learning, you start dying,” as Einstein once said so every place I go, I try to learn something from it. That way, every single place has left some little mark on me, however small. The places discussed above had the most significant effect in shaping and defining me as a person. Conclusion needs to link your places and use either the Super Mario, Irishness or Fairytale theme to remind the reader in the final paragraph where those places were and the lessons learnt / the shaping of your character / worldview.

There are moments of super Personal writing here and some reflection, but it is very disjointed. There is however a strong sense of personal ‘voice’ and the reader is encouraged to read on.

If anything, there’s probably too much in it. Omit the Irishness, develop the houses and remember the focus: Places. House 2 is well evoked and a strong sense of personal writing is delivered here.

P: 20/30

C:18/30

L: 18/30

M 10/10

66/100 H4

Aspects of cultural context affect the extent to which a character can be happy or successful within the world of text.

Analysing cultural context for my comparative study has played an important role in my appreciation of texts by interpreting how the values and attitudes towards gender roles, love and marriage and social class affect the extent of the characters happiness and success. I was able to gain a deeper understanding as to why these characters act the way they do. I am grateful to see how far society has progressed over time and I have also become more sensitive to how I perceive others as we can all be shaped by the world around us. The texts I studied for my comparative study are, ‘The Great Gatsby’ (GG) by F. Scott Fitzgerald, ‘Brooklyn’ (B) by John Crowley and ‘A Dolls House’ (ADH) by Henrique Ibsen.

The first aspect of cultural context I will discuss is love and marriage. The view of love and marriage in B is evidently very positive and is based completely on mutual trust, respect and understanding. We see the importance of marriage in Eilis’ life through her relationship with Tony in New York. The relationship they build is based on a genuine view of love and neither Tony nor Eilis are in love with a dream but rather a reality. Eilis moves to Brooklyn to better herself, have greater opportunities and to become successful. Tony adores Eilis and supports her in her efforts to better herself. It is clear that they both make each other happy and are good for each other. Eilis also loves Tony for his constant support and kindness. There is no materialistic intentions in their relationship but instead they both try to better each other and become very happy.(Consider vocabulary usage here – ‘better oneself’ is used a lot. Consider rephrasing.what exactly does ‘better oneself’ mean in this culture and is it really the aspect you set out to discuss at the start of the paragraph?)  In contrast, the views of love and marriage in ADH and GG are very unequal and materialistic. (or are the views skewed or tainted because the expectations of the characters or the time are unequal or materialistic?) We see a lot of deception in both GG and ADH. Gatsby and Torvald are similar in that they both seem to believe that their loved ones life outside of the relationship is important. The love affair between Gatsby and Daisy was never a healthy relationship, Gatsby fails to see Daisy for who she really is and instead focused on the idea of her. Gatsby desperately clings to the dream of Daisy as the beautiful young girl he fell for before the war. He is in denial that Daisy is already married to Tom. It is not a genuine or true love that Gatsby has for Daisy,(why not?) which differs hugely from B, but is in the same manner that can be seen in ADH. Torvald also believes that Nora’s life should revolve around him and he treats her more like a child than a partner, ‘tarantella’, ‘skylark’, ‘squirrel’.(whats the significance of these terms?) Nora is not happy herself in the relationship, but feels responsible to keep Torvald happy. We see this when Nora and Mrs. Linde are discussing the loan and Nora stresses how important it is for Torvald not to find out ‘our beautiful happy home would no longer be what it is now’. She feels responsible for Torvalds happiness and success as an individual while there is no happiness or success in their relationship due to the inequality and deception.(this is a good point but needs more development, either through a key moment or your personal response to it.)  GG and ADH both offer bleak portrayals of love with little to no happiness in either relationships.

Another aspect of cultural context which I think had a big affect (effect) on the happiness and success in the characters’ lives is social class. At the time the play ADH was written, Norway was enjoying a thriving economy, which enabled the rise of the middle class. One could better their life with hard work but may (many?) become obsessed with money as a result. The Helmers have known what it is like to be short of money and Torvald fears losing their social standing. (More context info required here) Nora knows that if the secret of the loan came out, this could be the result, which would infuriate Torvald, so it was of paramount importance to keep it in the dark. When Torvald does find out about the loan and Nora confronts him, he believes the personal sacrifice will be worth it. (This should be clarified as a key moment and in the discussion of why it is important deal with the issue of social class/ social status) He is not too distracted by the loss of his wife but by the damage it will do to his reputation. While they place so much importance on their success in ADH, it does not mean happiness for them, as they are too materialistic and worried about their social standing to actually enjoy any of their successes in life. (Overwordy and does not explain / express anything – repetitive) The world of ADH is one in which keeping one’s place on the social ladder is so vital that it excuses any amount of hypocrisy or personal misery, meaning they can never truly be happy. (This is very vague, it needs context/key moment and explanation) This is similar to the view of social class in GG. While Gatsby was born into a poor family, he is desperate to pursue his dreams of becoming a member of the wealthy elite. Gatsby does become wealthy, but he never succeeds in shaking off his lower class background. Those who have recently risen in society ‘new money’, are seen as unsophisticated and flashy. Tom who is ‘old money’ scornfully describes Gatsby as ‘Mr. Nobody from Nowhere’. When Gatsby dies, only Nick and one other person from his new social circle bothered to attend his funeral. Daisy, who Gatsby spent so long trying to impress with his new upper class life, doesn’t even acknowledge his death. Ultimately, Gatsby’s efforts to challenge the snobbery and rigid social hierarchy of his time had failed. He was so focused on moving up on social ladder, he found no happiness and ultimately failed. This is a very good point and deserves comparison with Brooklyn as the piece on ADH is very generalised. Eilis’s straightforward approach to her position in society set her apart from both Torvald and Gatsby. She does not try to be something she is not and she has little time for any sort of snobbery, for example, she is impatient with the cliquish nature of the rugby club in her home town. Eilis is unwilling to buy into certain social climbing strategies and instead determines to make her own way in life. Eilis is neither a snob like Torvlad nor a social climber like Gatsby, and in my opinion, this is how Eilis becomes happy in life. (ADH needs work, but you’ve made good points on G & B. Remember to take a character – in ADH it was very vague as to whose perspective / stance you were comparing. Does social class / obsession with social standing help or hinder Nora’s happiness? Or is there a better comparison with the other texts to be made by using Torvald in this instance?)

Gender roles have a big impact on each of 5 characters happiness. GG is set in a time where women enjoyed more freedom than before, but nevertheless, they were still restricted with a double standard. Daisy is bitterly aware of the difficulties of being a woman in a male dominated world. She tells Nick that when her daughter was born, she said, ‘I hope she’ll be a fool -that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool’. However she still elects to stay with Tom, despite his cheating ways. Tom shows men’s hypocritical attitude towards women. Although Tom himself is having an affair, he is annoyed that Daisy knows Gatsby, ‘I may be old fashioned in my ideas but women run around too much these days to suits me’. Daisy may resent the gender inequality she is faced with but she does nothing to try change it. (How do you know she resents the gender inequality? More context/depth required here) Women’s lives are a lot more restricted in ADH compared to GG. Although Nora is an adult, she is treated like a child by her husband. Just as Daisy is aware that the easiest way for women to cope is to simply to be a ‘beautiful little fool’. Nora knows that it suits Torvald to play up to his ‘doll play’. Torvald calls Nora his little ‘squirrel’ as if silliness was an attractive quality in a woman, and loves to speak to her in a patronising manner. However, Nora differs from Daisy as she decides to rejects her restrictive gender role and strike out on her own. Although Nora’s decision is difficult, her courage is admirable. She was not happy in her restrictive relationship and knew something had too (sp)change if she wanted to be happy. B contrasts a lot from ADH and GG. (Expression: It differs from or it contrasts with) Women are more independent, educated and free to support themselves. Both Lacey sister train as bookkeepers. (Isn’t there an expectation though to get married, for a man to look after them, or even an expectation to look after the mothers?) Tony is really encouraging to Eilis to better herself, (on the) contrary to the men in ADH and GG.(Expression: again, using the bettering oneself idea – which has been used already, so try to avoid repetition with an earlier point. Use ‘contrary to’ rather than ‘on the contrary to’) Both Torvald and Tom want to control their wives, while Tony clearly doesn’t expect to control Eilis, ultimately leading to Eilis being more successful to (Expression ‘than’) Nora or Daisy. (This needs development)

Through my study of the extent to which a character can be happy or successful within the world of text, my comprehension of the cultural context was greatly enhanced. (Is this what the question is asking? Is it asking if your comprehension was enhanced? What exactly does that mean?) As a result of my extensive studies of love and marriage, social class and gender roles I received a better insight into the world and society at the time. (Extensive is an issue. Extensive requires key moments or specific incidents within a text which highlight how gender or love or social status affected the character in such a way as to help or hinder their happiness or success)

P:14/21

C:12/21

L:12/21

M:7/7

45/70  H4

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